Oh, Lord, Emmett's on Crack!
by ancientgreecerocks
Summary: What happens when Emmett finds a guide for How to Act Gangsta on Google? What will the rest of the family think? All Vamp. Crazier than a spoon-riding midget! inside joke and crazier than Sweden! inside joke
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.**

**A/N – this is my first humor story so tell me what you think. My bff told me I should do this because of all my sarcasm. Hope you like!**

**BPOV**

Oh. My. God. What is he thinking?!? I really can't see why Emmett is doing this, I mean, is he trying to act like a complete and total idiot? Whoops, I almost forgot, Emmett is a total idiot!

Sigh, sometimes I wish he wasn't my brother.

Uh oh, here he comes.

"Hey little sis what are you up to?"

"Ummm…. Nothing much how bout' you?"

"Same here. Soooo….. I was on the internet last night when I stumbled across something on Google. It was a list on how to act gangsta! So, are you interested?"

"Umm, interested in what," I asked annoyed.

"On being my partner in Gangsterism of course!"

"Oh, um I don't think so Em cause maybe I DON'T WANT TO MAKE A COMPLETE FOOL OF MYSELF"

"Well, I didn't know that you were that concerned about your image little sis."

"I'm not, but I also don't want to be someone like you who flaunts their stupidity everyday."

"Ouch, harsh, but if you don't want to do it then I guess I'll just do it by myself," he stated with a sorrowful glance downwards.

And with that he left. Leaving me feeling guilty for dissing him.

Honestly, I sometimes didn't see how Rose put up with him. I could barely stand being around him for five minutes when he was like this, let alone the entire day!

**A/N so did you like? It's not great I know, but it's a start. It's not very funny cause I don't have a lot to work with write now but I'm open to suggestions so please feel free to make some. Thanks,**

**Ancientgreecerocks**


	2. THE Discovery

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.**

**A/N thought I'd go ahead and put another chapter out cause I'm bored and I got nothin better to do.**

**EmPOV**

_Flashback_

_Hmmmm… there must be something good to do on this stupid computer… _

_CLICK, CLICK_

_Ah ha! Got it!_

_**How to Act Gangsta:**_

_**Always say Gangsterific words like Fishizzle and McBeast.**_

_**Never let anyone diss you.**_

_**Always have a good comeback ready in case anyone does diss you.**_

_**Make Gangsta Ts' for people you know**_

_**Always accidentally hi-jack one of the buggy cart things at Wal-Mart and accidentally run-over some unsuspecting victim in the parking lot**_

_**Eat fast-food every chance you get.**_

_**Always drive like a maniac**_

_**Go to sleep with your eyes open**_

_**Sneak up behind somebody in Wal-Mart and whisper in their ear, "I'm watchin you." And look at their reaction.**_

_**Always talk like a gangsta**_

_**Always obey the Gangsta rules**_

_Hmmmm… not bad, this could actually be fun._

_Edward walks in the room._

"_Hey was up bro? I'm just in here chillin."_

"_That's great, but please don't tell me your actually thinking about doing this gangster thing and embarrassing us all are you?"_

"_Yep, I sho am."_

"_Well crap, I guess Alice was right."_

"_I guess," I said with a smile._

_Humph," Edward said and then stalked away._

_Ahhh, this is the life, I thought to myself. Annoying my brothers, sisters, and wife and enjoying every damn minute of it._

**A/N well I hope you enjoyed. I'll try to get the third chapter up soon, but I have a lot of tests coming up so I don't know when I'll be able to update.**

**acientgreecerocks**


	3. AN

**A/N Sorry I haven't updated in a while but I've been really really really busy with Thanksgiving holiday and everything so I didn't have time to write anymore chapters but if you'll help me with some ideas for later chapters I'd be eternally grateful! So please put those ideas out there and whichever one I choose I'll put the user that suggested it in the chapter. Have a great Thanksgiving!**

_**~ancientgreecerocks~**_


	4. walmart womanizer

**A/N sorry I haven't updated in a while but I've just been really busy with school and stuff. I hope you will find it in your heart to forgive me for my evilness, and take out your anger on something other than me. **

**Drum roll please….**

**EmPOV**

"Wal-Mart, Wal-Mart!" I chanted.

"You've _got_ to be kidding me", Rosalie said horrified.

"Nope", I said popping the 'p'.

"This cannot be happening! It's and insult to my conscience!" Alice screeched, her voice killing my sensitive ears and shooting me death glares.

"Well, I said smirking, then I guess you'll just have to build a bridge and get over it", I stuck my tongue out at her.

Alice rolled her eyes and went back to staring out the window as we rode along the highway.

Jasper turned and looked at me from the passenger seat where he sat and said, annoyed, "What exactly are we going to be doing at Wal-Mart Emmett?"

"Oh, just wait; you'll see, you'll see", I said grinning mischievously and chuckling.

I had something planned that involved… oh crap! I forgot that lame- o Edward could hear my thoughts. Hmmm… got it! I'll think of Rosalie instead, that ought a stop him from listening!

_**Flashback**_

_Rosalie walked in with a robe tied loosely…_

**EPOV**

Ugh, bad mental images, bad mental images, bad mental images. Tuning Emmett out, I focused on the long day ahead of me. What in the _hell_ could Emmett have planned? God only knows, I thought with a sigh. Bella leaned against my shoulder.

"What's he up to?" she whispered, her voice barely audible.

"I haven't got the slightest clue whatsoever", I replied, agitated at Emmett.

"Well, what's he thinking?" she asked curiously.

"Um, _I'm_ thinking that you don't really want to know what he's thinking."

"Um, okay?" She said, giving me an 'are you crazy' glance.

"Wait… it has to do with Rosalie doesn't it?" she said pointing out the obvious.

"You said it not me"

"Why am I not surprised", she rolled her eyes and shook her head trying to get out the mental pictures that had no doubt formed in her mind.

**APOV**

I was still staring out the window when I heard Emmett scream.

"Oh. My. God! I love this song", he shouted, bouncing in his seat.

He turned up the radio and I realized what song was on. Oh crap. It was _Womanizer_.

"_Womanizer, womanizer, womanizer, womanizer_,_" _Emmett sang in a high-pitched voice.

All of the sudden Bella, of all people, screamed, "shut the hole in your face that you call a mouth and turn off the radio, NOW!"

Emmett turned off the radio and visibly started to cower. It was silent for two whole seconds before we all started laughing hysterically. Emmett scowled and looked back at the road.

_**15 minutes later…**_

"We're heeeeeeeerrrrrrrrreeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!" Emmett squealed, the moment in the car forgotten.

We all rolled our eyes simultaneously at Emmett's stupidity and looked up at the big, blue, letters.

"Well, it's all or nothing", I muttered under my breath. Bella caught my eye and smirked.

**BPOV**

"Well, it's all or nothing", I heard Alice mutter under her breath.

I caught her eye and smirked. Today would be absolute torture for Alice and I smiled, knowing that she deserved this, because of all the shopping trips she had dragged me on.

We all walked through the doors, and that was when Emmett spotted the electronic buggy-carts.

Oh no. This could not end well.

**A/N So… did you like? What do you think will happen next? I'd love to hear what you think! So review! Or I might stick something mechanical in the microwave. (Have done this before and it was not a pretty sight. Plus, I did it on a dare, so don't get any ideas) **

**Can't wait to hear what you think! Until next time… **

**Oh I almost forgot! My new favorite word is… SMEXY! Okay, that was random but cool. Yay!**

**This message of spazzie awesomeness was brought to you by the genius of…**

**~ancientgreecerocks~**


	5. Almost forgot!

A/N Ahhhhhhhhhh! I almost forgot to mention the person who helped me with some ideas!!! Special thanks go out to SPUNKeatsLEMONSforREVENGEq. Really great ideas and I really appreciate them. Thanks again!


	6. Read or I Will Discontinue The Story!

Hey guys! I really really really hate author's notes so I'm going to try and make this one short.

I've put up a poll on my account and I would love for you to take a look at it. It's about what I should do for the next chapter of Oh, Lord, Emmett's on Crack. I really need to know so please vote and I will do the next chapter on the one that has the most votes.

THANKS FOR YOUR SUPPORT!

~ancientgreecerocks~


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